Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
