I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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