dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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