So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
