Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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