It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
