I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
