I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
