Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
