Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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