Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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