You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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