Jerry, you need to find god
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
