A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
