You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need a beard to bite.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
