This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
