my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
