The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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