I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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