Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
