i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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