her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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