They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
