I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
