I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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