Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize