Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
