she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just got carded by a ten year old.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize