Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
