I puked a lego.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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