which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
