Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
