I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize