I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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