I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
