Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
