Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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