On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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