bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
