hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
