Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
