So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
