You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
