so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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