put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
