i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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