Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
