everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
