Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
