Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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