Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
