I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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