i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I want her autograph on my taint
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
