I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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