i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
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