Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
