spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
