hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
