So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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