He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
