you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize