Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
