you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
