Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
