Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
