The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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