when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
